16 February 2011

On forgiveness...

I posted a very awkward 3 part tweet (twitter.com/justinjelinek if you care to follow) earlier about my thoughts on forgiveness.

As I find humanity increasingly superficial and phony I question what the purpose of forgiveness is.

I did a little research (there are some thoughtful articles on the google) and I found this:


And I seem to have slipped into the second paragraph believing that "believe that forgiving gives the offender license to continue the hurtful behavior in which he or she has engaged and, furthermore, that it makes the injured party appear weak, maintaining a power differential that favors the offender over the victim."

At the same time I realize that having this view nearly necessitates an expectation that humanity must be perfect, otherwise there would be no need for apologies and forgiveness.

Among most of my family and close friends, I have no problem taking apologies and forgiveness at face value without being suspicious of motive. In these instances (not that there have been many) I do trust that person is not apologizing or forgiving out of obligation, but out of a desire to repair and continue the relationship.

At the same time I've had relationships and friendships where forgiveness cleary put me in a position to be hurt repeatedly, which would make it easy for me to believe that forgiveness equals weakness.

This contrast means that to some extent, the enduring trust I've had with family and friends clearly plays a role in how I determine whether or not it is wise to forgive.

So more specifically, I think it is the forced apologies or ones with ulterior motives that I find difficult to understand. There are many forms of forced or manipulative apologies, but one story of the day has really focused this question in my mind.

College professer Nir Rosen tweeted some very disgusting jokes at the expense of Journalist Lara Logan who was the victim of a sexual assult in Egypt while on assignment:


What purpose was served by Nir Rosen apology to Lara Logan, what purpose would her forgivness serve?

Or if you prefer to put it in context of other public apologies (Michael Vick, Pres Clinton, Tiger Woods, etc...) please offer your thoughts.

I'd rather not be right that forgiveness is weakness, perhaps your thoughts will help.